Understanding What’s Important 

A lot of us look at others and wonder, Why can’t I be like them? I worked with someone who was super successful. They were promoted, received raises, and climbed the corporate ladder with ease. Everyone was impressed with everything he said and everything he did . . . even if he failed.

I wanted to be him.

Let’s call my friend Tim for no reason (his name isn’t Tim). I wanted to be successful, but I knew I didn’t have Tim’s drive. I wanted promotions, but I was afraid to take the risks he was taking. I wanted the raises, but I didn’t have Tim’s drive to get visibility in the company. I wanted a lot of things . . . but I wasn’t Tim.

So instead of focusing on my strengths and finding my own place, I tried to be like Tim. I took every opportunity I could to travel for the business. I jumped on high-risk projects. I did a lot of things Tim would have done, and you know what I found . . . I wasn’t happy.

Being someone else instead of being yourself never works.

I was stressed all the time. The fear of failing was always there. I was away from my family a lot, traveling from one business to another. In fact, my young son thought I actually worked in an airport because I called from them so often – that broke my heart.

No One Survives Being Someone They’re Not

I hated my job because I was trying to be someone else. Finally, I decided it wasn’t worth it. Instead of trying to be like Tim, I tried to be like ME, and you know what happened . . . I was happy. I worked on projects that were interesting instead of just being tasks that would bring visibility. The traveling reduced by 80% and I was home with my family more instead of eating terrible food in airports.

Being myself let me find my place.

And you know what happened . . . I was happy. I was home with my family instead of eating bad food-court food at airports. I wasn’t afraid of losing visibility or losing opportunities. In fact, my stress at work decreased significantly.

But a surprising thing happened – I was still successful, just in a different way. I focused on my strengths and found ways to use them to help others. I acknowledged my weaknesses but focused on how I could help others with their technical or optics challenges. Soon, people started pulling me into discussions, asking my opinion, and listening to my solutions. I wasn’t trying to push my way into these meetings, it was just happening. I think it was because people saw me as a solution provider, not someone just looking for credit.

Being myself helped me to be successful.

Interestingly enough, though, the irony of me originally trying to be like Tim was that it led me to my writing career. You see, I know we learn from our parents through examples. I learned my work ethic by watching my dad work hard every day. I learned to help others by watching him reach out to people in need.

Well, when I was chasing Tim’s shadow, I was also trying to figure out how I’d teach my son to be like Tim as well. I knew my son wouldn’t learn how to be a risk-taker or how to be someone who tries something really hard, even though he might fail . . . that wasn’t me. So I decided to start writing. Maybe the characters in my books could teach my son the traits and habits I didn’t possess.

As a result, I started writing. Many of you don’t know it, but I wrote four novels before I was ever able to get something published. And these four books were catastrophic failures, but my fifth book, Invasion of the Overworld, was a success. I would have never started writing if it weren’t for Tim and my foolish desire to be like him.

Now, being the best me means writing the best novel I can while at the same time teaching offering some of the things I’ve learned through my life. In fact, this lesson about Being Yourself is prominent in my newest novel, The Giant’s Giant.

The Giant’s Giant focuses on a character struggling with who they are rather than who they should be. I wrote this novel with the story I described above with Tim in mind. I’ve heard from many kids and their parents about how this book resonated with their children. It is a favorite of mine with an epic twist at the end.

Every one of my books starts with a quote. It’s the message I’m trying to tell with my novel. Here’s the quote from The Giant’s Giant:

“Being the true version of yourself instead of being what other people want you to be can be a wonderful thing . . . but can be terrifying as well. Show people the real you. Your true friends will accept you; they always will. Those who won’t accept the real you were never sincere friends anyway, but just acquaintances; who cares what they think.”

Look for places where you can be the real you, and I think you’ll find something special there.

 

Mark

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