Describe your character while keeping the story moving
It’s important to describe your character so that the reader can clearly imagine them in their minds, but also imagine all the other characters and keep them separate. I hate it when characters have similar names and similar appearance; they end up looking the same in my head. This can make it difficult to keep track with who is who. So we need a clear description to make it easy for the reader to keep track of everyone.
First off, when describing your character, you only need to describe what’s important. You don’t have to show everything about the character, just what’s important to give the reader an image of the character, and features that tie into his personality. Here’s an example:
Jonas was tall for his age, with sandy blond hair and blue eyes. He wore tan pant and a green shirt. His shoes were white Nikes.
I could call this description an info dump. We just put a bunch of information onto the page. The information is completely disconnected from the story. It isn’t woven into the plot at all, it’s just dumped onto the page: this is what we want to avoid.
Let me take another shot at it:
Jonas was tall for his age, with sandy blond hair and bright blue eyes. He wore tan pants that were frayed at the ends and his favorite green shirt, a smear of chicken soup from lunch staining the front. His shoes were white Nikes, the laces always untied.
Now I included the stain on his shirt because maybe Jonas is clumsy and that is part of his character train. I also included the shoelaces always being untied because maybe I want him to trip as a specific place in the story, and that fall will save his life, or allow him to find something that’s hidden or??? The laces and the foot stain adds a little meat to the description and paints a picture for the reader. But still we’re just dumping information without connecting the paragraph to the story. We need to deliver this description, of possible, through action instead of just motionless words. Let’s try again:
Jonas stepped into the room and scanned the interior with his bright blue eyes. He ran his fingers through his sandy blond hair, something he did when he was nervous. He wore tan pants that were frayed and torn at the bottom, his favorite green shirt wrinkled as usual. He kicked the mud from his white Nikes, the laces always untied.
This feels better. We have action when Jonas enters the room. He runs his fingers through his hair. (I use that one a lot. It draws attention to his hair, allowing it to be described while doing it with action.) The description of his pants and shirt is still a bit info-dumpy, but the “wrinkled” adds a bit of flavor to it. In the last sentence, we use more action to draw the reader’s attention to Jonas’ shoes.
But did you notice the echoing? I started the first sentence with Jonas, then I started each sentence after that with the word “He” which is bad. This is a common problem with doing a character description, starting each sentence with a He or She, watch out for that.
I still need to get rid of the info-dumpy part where we describe his clothes. Maybe we don’t need to describe his clothes, maybe they aren’t important; that’s something you need to decide. Usually, I won’t describe the clothes unless they’re important to the story. In this example, we’ve described Jonas’s hair, which might be the feature we use throughout the story to describe him, or maybe we use his bright blue eyes and remind the reader of those throughout the story? That’s up to you to decide. But let’s see if we can do a better job with this description:
Jonas stepped into the dark room, his bright blue eyes scanning the interior for hungry monsters. Sweat dripped from his sandy blond hair, the moisture falling onto his face and trickling into his eye; it stung. Running his fingers through his hair, a nervous habit, he moved further into the room. And then he froze. Someone was standing just at the edge of his vision. Did they see me? he thought. Turning his head just a little to get a better look, Jonas spotted someone in tan pants and a wrinkled green shirt, some kind of stain down the front. He crouched, hoping to avoid being seen, but the person did the same . . . strange. Standing, Jonas turned toward the figure and found himself standing in front of a mirror looking at his own reflection, the chicken soup from lunch staining his favorite shirt. With a chuckled, he turned away from the mirror and headed for the staircase, the always untied laces on his white Nikes slapping the ground with each step.
I feel pretty good about that description. It’s woven into the action of the plot; Jonas is going into some kind of scary building, trying to avoid monsters. I had some sensory input, sweat stinging his eye. I tried to add tension . . . did he see me? Always add tension whenever possible! Notice how I describe the shirt and pants; Jonas looked into a mirror. I usually like there to be a reason for the reader to notice what the character is wearing, like looking at their reflection, or a photograph, or a painting, or someone else describing them or . . . I like having a reason for the reader seeing their appearance; looking into a pool of water is my favorite, I used that with Gameknight999 A LOT!
I hope this is helpful. Just remember, the description should be so tightly woven into your story, that if you remove it, you’ll remove important plot features. No info dumps!!!
Mark
Yes, this is SUPER helpful.
I always love describing this (partly because my friend is one of my proof readers and loves detail
THANKS FOR THE INFO
thanks a lot for those writing tips
Dear Mr. Cheverton
So, I’ve an announcement.
At school, a few of my friends and I are starting up a club called the Literature League. It’s a writing club since lots of people liked the scary story contest that my school hosted for Halloween.
Before people get free time to write, we’re going to have a short little lesson about how to make stories better.
Would it be okay if I use some of your writing tips?
Sincerely
Alora
That would be great. Please use all the Writing Tips. Let me know if I can be of any assistance.
Mark
Thank you so much!
I just read your message with my friend Tyliee, and we’re so excited to use them.
Thank you!
Sincerely Me
How many are in your club?
I don’t know, this is our first week.
ok, let me know
Thank You!!!!
It starts on Wednesday! (We had a hard time spelling Wednesday 🙂 #LaughAttack
(This is life in Middle School)
🙂
We’ll tell you how it goes!
Thank you!
We’re going to tell everyone in the club about this website.
Be prepared to have your website flooded with users. This is going to be epic!
🙂
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
We really appreciate it
Sincerely
Alora, Tyliee, Kaylee, Mckayla, and Hannah
The Founders of the Literature League
The club is going very well!!!!!!
We started today, we have 6 member other than ourselves.
Yay!
Thank you so much for your help!
The Literature League has been started by Ytliee B, Kaylee B, Mckayla J, Hanna G and Alora B.
Location:
Mrs. L’s Room
B Hall
105
Rules
Follow the Cougar Path!
Be Nice
NO VIDEO GAMES!!!!!!!!!!!
Stay on websites you should be on
When giving feedback, give them good feedback, but do it nicely
Writing must be school appropriate
No Cussing
If you can’t say anything nice, you’re not thinking hard enough.
No food
Clean up after yourself
No bragging/boasting
No copyright or plagiarism (Please)
Three strikes, you’re out!
You can handle being nice for one hour!
Websites You Can Be On:
Google Docs
Dictionary/Thesaurus.com
Pinterest
Google
Other Idea Sites
Music Sites like Pandora Spotify Music Smasher ect.
Youtube ONLY IF YOU’RE DOING MUSIC!!!!
MarkCheverton.com
If you have any other websites, please approve it with us first.
Thank You!
this looks AWESOME. I look forward to seeing what you create!
Hi, do you mind taking off that last email about details on the lituerature league. I didn’t know it would show up on here. I thought only you would be able to read it. I am so sorry.
My friends and I just don’t want any personal info out on the web.
SO SORRY
Thank You
-Tyliee and Alora
How is it now?
Good, and I don’t mean to be picky, but the T in Tyliee’s name got changed to a Y.
Thank you.
is your personal info all gone Alora? All good?
I can still see it…
Thanks a lot! I usually have problems detailing my character. This is very helpful!
I am making a minecraft story that’s named minecraft invasion, and how can i make the story real?
I am making a minecraft story!!!
I am making a minecraft story!!!
Here is my character description-
This is Game_Hacker234, Game_Hacker is smart at school, Fun in minecraft, and awesome all the time. Game_Hackers skin in minecraft is with a ninja tie on his head to make him cool, he has a red belt on his waste to make him look like a ninja, he has dirty blond hair that swings around when he runs, he has a black long sleeve shirt that has a hole, and he has dark navy blue pants that also has a rip from his big battle.
Please let me know if there is something wrong mr.cheverton
I HAVE ALL THE BOOKS IN HEROBRINE REBORN SERIES
oh man, thank you. I need this for my next book
Hello old friends
I AM YOUR CREATOR
-Entity303
No just kidding.
Ich schreibe momentan auch eine Minecraft Geschichte sie heißt Die Abenteuer von Galadriel_133. Ihre Tipps haben mir sehr geholfen. Ich selbst Male auch sehr gerne also Illustrieren ich mein Bücher selbst um den Lesern mehr Vorstellungskraft der Personen zu verleihen. Falls ihr eine Minecraft Geschichte schreibt empfehle ich das Program Minecraft Akin Editor zu verwenden um die Sind einfacher erstellen zu können. Falls Grammatik/Rechtschreibfehler auftreten will ich mich entschuldigen. Google Übersetzer oder Autokorrektur war daran Schuld. Google Übersetzer ist höchstwahrscheinlich Schuld wenn sie die Nachricht lesen da ich die Nachricht auf Deutsch schreibe und wenn sie sie lesen sie dadurch völlig zerschossen wird😅.
Aber die Sind sind wirklich hilfreich später könnt ihr auch mit ihnen Minecraft spielen oder auf dem PC mit Windows Shift und s Screenshotten und dann in eure Geschichte z.B. auf Wird einfügen. Ich hoffe euch hat der Tipp gefallen😁
Nett!
This just got interesting XD
Wait.
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HEROBRINE! YOU’RE ALIVE AND IN THE INTERNET! BUT HOW!!!! I BLAME COVID ON YOU!!!!!
XD