If you don’t like disclaimers, skip to the next paragraph. I am not trying to say, “this is the correct way to view these mobs, and that’s that!” with this, I am rather sharing my opinion with you on what these creatures would be like in real life, with a few original bits of my own added to them. If you disagree with any of these, I apologise, as there is no right or wrong way to imagine these creatures. What I am trying to say is that there is no right or wrong way to view any fictional creature; you may view dragons as vicious, fire breathing beasts, while others might think they are peaceful creatures of the elements, and both opinions are fine, as dragons are pure fiction (well, I think they are, at least), and there is no right or wrong way to view fiction.

Creeper (also known as generic creeper or plains creeper)

Creepus Explodus

The creeper is perhaps the most famous monster in Minecraft, earning itself a place on the official Minecraft banner at Mojang. Despite people mistaking them for animals quite commonly, they are actually a type of mobile plant. They hiss when agitated, and have the ability to explode. They do this by mixing chemicals which they get from lunar photosynthesis with the nitrogen in their bodies, eating anything that makes them gassy, having a gunpowder chamber in their body, and compressing air in their body until they make an explosion equivalent to a block of TNT. Most people think that creepers have a block of TNT inside of them, but this is not true. They explode to disperse their spores everywhere, which slowly harden into green and black eggs, which hatch into green caterpillar-like larvae that eat moss. At the end of the larvae stage they go into a cocoon and metamorphosise into a tiny creeper, which grows as it eats. Its diet consists mainly of coal and sulphur, two of the main ingredients of gunpowder. They reproduce by blowing modified pollen to the other creeper. Despite reproducing sexually, they are all genderless and every one of them can explode, but only after mating. There are many different species in the genus Creepus, but the only difference between them is their appearance and the biome they live in, the former of which usually matching up with the latter, allowing them to camouflage in those biomes. Wolves are afraid of creepers, and for good reason. All species of creeper are afraid of cats and ocelots, and the reason for this is still unknown.

Jungle Creeper

Creepus Jungalus

This creeper lives in jungle biomes and is dark green with vines hanging off of it.

Desert Creeper

Creepus Aestheticus Plantus

The desert creeper is brown with dried, crunchy leaves. Specifically evolved to live in the desert, it can go its entire life after the larvae without a drink of water. They usually explode in desert ponds so that when the larvae appear out of the spores, they have plenty to drink.

Taiga Creeper/Mountain Creeper

Creepus Dioritus

The mountain creeper is a greyish-green colour and dwells in taiga and extreme hills biomes. They have excellent rock-climbing abilities, having sharp claws like a chameleon’s on their feet, and are known worldwide for not exploding around animals. My friend, Tristan, had a pet one named Rocky once, but Tristan let him go after he almost blew up his house. Rocky still turns up in our town every now and then to visit him, and I’ve got a feeling it’ll be a long time until this creeper explodes, if he ever does.

Mooshroom

Bos Taurus Ophiocordyceps Unilateralis Amanita Muscaria

Although not technically a monster, but then again not an animal either, the mooshroom is a blend of a cow and a mushroom, what’s so scary about that? They look like cows with large black eyes, a mushroom growing out of its head, red fur instead of brown and two mushrooms on its back. It may look like a cute animal at first, but don’t be fooled. Look at the large, black eyes of this creature. Then compare it to a regular cow. They are much larger, that’s a bit creepy, but when you forget that this animal can look cute and try to figure out what else it can be, it suddenly becomes clear. The eyes, compared to that of a cow’s, look dull, cold and free of emotion, as if it isn’t even alive any more. The cow’s face looks blank, lifeless. In fact, this poor cow is lifeless. It’s a zombie. This horrifying creature has been infected by Ophiocordyceps Unilateralis Amanita Muscaria, more commonly known as the red mushroom. This may seem harmless, as it is the mascot of Mario, but it is really a type of zombie fungus. The type we are familiar with is the tiny, half-a-block-high red mushroom, but in mushroom biomes, where the ground is covered in mycelium, it can grow up to nine metres tall! They emit blasts of spores that can reach up to a hundred blocks away from its starting point, and if a spore lands on a cow, it is already too late. As the mushroom starts to grow, it goes inside the cow’s brain and takes control of it, taking over most parts of the brain but leaving the parts necessary for walking and other basic things, such as the brain stem (hah! Geddit? Brain stem? And it’s a mushroom! Because…mushrooms…have…stems? I’m sorry). The cow then becomes brain dead as the fungus controls its body, eventually growing out of its head and body. I’m never going to look at these creatures the same way again.

Slime (Comes in three sizes: big, medium and small)

Chlorophyta Salpidae Pyrosoma

The slime first evolved on Earth 505,000,000 years ago and has remained virtually unchanged for that time. They are green blobs ranging in size from half a block high to seven blocks high. When the large ones are killed, they split into four medium sized ones, and when they are killed ,they turn into four (one of them turns into four—If you killed a large slime and then the resulting medium slimes, you would end up with 16 slimes in total) small, harmless slimes. The small slimes attempt to attack you, but they are too small to do any damage. We are not entirely sure of their evolution, but we think they may have evolved from algae or zooplankton. Very rare fossils of slimes show that they were the first ever creatures to step foot—or blob—onto land. They have an unusual anatomy, with no brain, blood or organs of any type, like a jellyfish. But, just like jellyfish, they do have nerves, which send signals to muscle-like bits of slime inside of the creature that cause it to jump. They have two large, green, complex eyespots that allow them to see the sky as white, the horizon as grey, the land as dark grey and anything that moves as black. They have a smaller sphere inside of them which looks like a nose, but really has no use that we know of. The inside of the slime contains a sphere of acids which it digests its food with. It jumps on its food, which gets stuck inside of it and slowly digested. The scary thing is that they will eat anything from things in the rubbish bin/trash can to even players. When you try to punch them, just like slime you can make in your kitchen, it solidifies and your fist may become stuck, so arrows and swords are the best weapons against this strange, green, gelatinous blob. How the slime doesn’t digest itself remains a mystery, though many believe the substance of which the eyes, nose thing and outer body are made is not possible to burn with acids like the one found inside it.

Spider (also known as Common Spider)

Araneae Araneae

The common spider is one metre tall and two metres wide. This terrifying beast has black skin covered by thin brown hairs. It has red eyes which glow when it is aggrovated and large mandibles which it bites humans with. It mainly hunts chickens and occasionally pigs, and the juveniles eat moss. After mating, the female will usually eat the male before laying the eggs and leaving the hatchlings to fend for themselves. These creatures are less aggressive than the cave spider, but even worse parents for their young! They are not venomous and cannot fit through doors, but they are, just like their smaller cousin, excellent climbers and will stay on your roof all night if they have to. Like all spiders, the common spider is only aggressive in dark places. When in light, it becomes neutral, as light puts spiders into a trance-like state where they lose all concentration of attacking without provocation. If agitated or harmed in this state, it will become hostile again. The only reason it attacks players is because its vision is very poor. Due to it having eight eyes, the images of its eyes are blurry and overlapped, its vision comparable to diplopia found in humans. With its poor vision and the fact that its visual acuity is based on movement, it attacks anything larger than itself that comes near it. During the day they sleep in leaf blocks in trees, and at night they lower themselves down with string and start hunting. They can sense thermal radiation, allowing them to sense mobs through walls.

Enderman

Homo Endus

Endermen are easily the most feared mob in Minecraft. From eight to eleven feet tall, with pitch-black skin, a small torso and unnaturally long limbs, this creature was the inspiration for the Creepypasta “Slenderman.” They can live to be up to 200 years old. When direct eye-contact is made with endermen, they will think that you are going to attack them and they unhinge their jaw, open their huge mouth and start to shudder, paralysed. If eye-contact is broken once the enderman freezes, it will go aggro (the shortened word for “aggrovated” in case you were wondering) and attack. They have a famous ability to teleport, thanks to the ender pearl in their chest, which also contains their life force. To power their teleportation abilities they eat chorus fruit, which, when eaten by the player, causes them to teleport to a random location. Their ender pearls, when thrown, will teleport the player to where they land, but they are damaged by the violent force of their molecules getting ripped apart and put back together so fast. Endermen pick up blocks and move them around at random. The reason for this is unclear, but my theory is that they just do it because they are curious. They make noises that sound like English, but it is slowed down, reversed and tweaked in different ways. Endermen eat chorus fruit, pigs and chickens. They will occasionally eat sheep, while juveniles will mostly eat minerals from ores to help develop their tough skin. Their skin is partially made of reactive metals, which causes it to burn on contact with water. If an enderman sees an endermite (see below), it will try to kill it. The reason for this is unclear. Though I believe that endermen have the capacity for intelligence, other endologists and biologists think that the enderman is not very intelligent, partially because of its unnaturally large jaw. They have pink irises and diamond-shaped pupils (like those of cats and ocelots), and the cones in their eyes in the opposite patters of ours, which means they see in inverted colours. They believe they live on a light blue island with giant white pillars, white endermen with green eyes and a giant white and yellow dragon circling above them. Prehistoric endermen used to have green eyes, smoke constantly and burn in sunlight. They also sounded similar to zombies, only their voice was lower-pitched.